When You Can't Afford Connie Chung...

you settle for Ann Curry. The Today Show desperately needs real women. They have the douches that they pass off as women hosting and it drives me up the wall. They need to replace Ann with Margaret Cho and Katie with either Kathy Griffin or me. Matt's no prize either so they could offer his role to either Clint Howard or that kid from Slingblade. These are just my thoughts and ideas on how to beef up the morning news. Maybe NBC should hire me.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

The worst part of a break-up is deciding who gets to keep what. I'd have to say that we were pretty fair in my last one. There are, however, a few movies and pictures that I'd like back, but Juan has decided not to humour me. I decided to be the bigger person and let him keep some movies as he threw a fit and I could sense that the crying was about to begin. I knew if he did cry that it would make me laugh and I'd get nothing back. It was just too much to have to deal with- so I caved. I did get some pics back a few months ago, but the ones I really wanted were not in there. All I want is the pics of me and Bruce Campbell. Is that too much to ask for?! There's only a few of them and I'd even pay the 50 cents to mail the disc. Geez

I'm not completely anti-relationship. I just haven't had much luck and would like to tell people to think before they date. Is this person going give you back your Richard Marx cd and copy of House Party 3? Think about that next time you're attracted to someone.

Super Secret Society Task

In order to join our fantastic secret society you must own a segway by the fifth meeting. this way we can have our gang-like appearance and perform certain menial and sometimes embarrassing tasks that Clemy and I come up with over coffee.

A Horse Walks Into A Bar...

Funniest thing I heard at work tonight:

Kim: There's going to be a transplant in the morning.
Bruce: Is it renal?
Kim: No. It's a kidney.

Now that's comedy!

And Justice For All

When I was a young'un all I wanted to be was a lawyer. I grew up with Perry Mason and thought practicing law was my destiny. I've never completely changed my mind- just headed in different directions and now that Barnes will pay for me to go into the medical field (which I'm also down with) that's where I've been heading. I like it and all, but feel like something's still missing. Dare I take the crappy paralegal classes at SWIC since they're cheap and then head to law school or should I just take the free route and make Barnes smile? I could really give two shits about what Barnes wants but, alas, I am poor. Very poor. I am almost positive I will pursue this law road. Besides, I already own a couple of sweater vests. I just need to get motivated enough to fill out all the financial aid shit and I can be quite lazy when I find something boring. Maybe I'll become a ritalin addict and then I'll get everything done that I need to. hmmm.....

Don't Stop Believin'

I went to buy shampoo today and instead spent my money on Journey's greatest hits. Is that wrong?

as long as your mouth is shut, you're so fucking beautiful

Who was the genius that first decided to put Bono's thoughts and concerns in writing and on video?! His outdated 'intellect' is annoying and someone needs to shut his ass up. Stop interviewing him unless it's ONLY music related. I'm so sick of hearing him complain about no one helping the poor children in whatever underveloped nation he ran across in his atlas this week. Maybe he should give more of his own billions to them and shut up. Good grief.

Immortal Beloved

It is true. I am immortal. I have cheated death twice this year (I'd like to leave it at that) and all signs point towards immortality. I always knew there was something about me....