That's Between Me & My Abortionists

Clemy has been working on a speed dating cartoon. It's going to be great. I think I'm supposed to make the bar scene. I will do this. I will. Anyways, I was thinking about checking out a real life speed dating thing for my own amusement. This is where the hidden camera will come in handy. I think I just may. I do like amusement you know.

Another Dead Fat Man

Chris Penn died today and he was fat. You may remember him from such films as Reservoir Dogs, Best of the Best, Starsky and Hutch, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and, of course, Corky Romano. Thank the good lord for that last one.... Anyhoot, just wanted to mention the sadness of his death and the fact that he was fat.

Fingerbangin' For The Cure

I should have been doing homework or cleaning, but I didn't. Instead of the important crap I decided to spend an hour and a half on g4tv.com. Damn that hilarious McGunner! Damn him straight to hell!
Also, I believe that one of my many great purposes in life is to be an answer lady. I can be the Dear Abby of poor middle America with no actual insight or knowledge of baking or whatever it is that most people will write in. Feel free to send me any questions and I shall answer them to the best of my ability or just type some random nonsense and let you try to figure out some meaning from it.

Loser McLoserson

A few months ago I lost my Zelda wristband (a joke gift from Jasper thank you). It had become a part of me so I felt a bit naked when there was nothing soaking up my sweat on my right wrist. Earlier this evening Jasper went to buy more 360 games and told me to grab a new wristband since he had extra credit there. I was excited and when I grabbed it I heard 2 of the 3 pimply faced virgins in there laugh. How dare those pasty future pedophiles laugh at me. I know I'm a nerd with a dash of dork, but they are full on geeky dorks with no chance of decent futures yet they feel they have the right to poke fun at moi. Wrong. That's just wrong... and hurtful. A little hurtful.

Ready For A Dip?

Will Work For Prosthetics

For those of you interested, I happen to have the names of the 13 families that ultimately control the Illuminati. They are as follows:

1. Astor

2. Bundy

3. Collins

4. DuPont

5. Freeman

6. Kennedy

7. Li

8. Onassis

9. Rockefeller

10. Rothschild

11. Russell

12. van Duyn

13. Merovingian

Promises, Like Hearts, Are Meant To Be Broken

<--Not me receiving an award.

I have decided to try to list my qualities. There are none that one might consider to be 'redeeming' or 'worthwhile'. I'l give you an example:

I'm not tall enough to play basketball
I'm not bulimic enough to model
I'm not cute enough to be a scam artist
I'm not talented enough to make money off of art or writing or anything of any
consequence really
etc, etc
And I'm too poor to leave the country and try to start anew. 2006 better me my damn year. If things don't get better by the second half of the year you'll probably find me up on that bell tower.